Reason

There is a reason why the world pushes us to find a ‘partner’ and not a husband or wife.

A partner is an individual self-caring mostly about him/herself in the name of self-autonomy and self-individualization. He is concentrated on self-growth, self-win, self-promotion, self-success, self-fulfillment, even self-heaven. He or she does love to the extend of sacrificing a lot, serving a lot, changing plans, negotiating, giving in, trying hard, getting help, forgiving, waiting it out, trying again etc. until the moment arrives that they can not take it anymore because they have lost themselves, didn’t fulfill their potential, have no legacy, did not make it career wise, couldn’t keep the first love going even with weekly dates and it did not morph into the steady love they imagined and were promised it will come. They come to the stall, and break inside, and say that was all for nothing, they are assured they have to ‘gain their self respect back’ and self worth will come back to them, they make a radical change in the name of seeking ‘true happiness’ when they ‘become themselves again ‘ and decide to ‘be brave’ to restart with another ‘partner’. This is the world, with all its help it can give. When it starts and end with human strength and power.

Because to live and love someone on your own is a lot of times impossible. Because you will hit the wall. Because that’s why God is God and not you is god.

Unless you start loving your spouse or spouse to be with the love of God, you have statistically 50/50 chance of surviving the big storm which Katrina has nothing on.

Some people are married and treat their spouse like a partner, not in a sense of dignity and work division but in a sense of filling the gap. Same wake up to it after years. Some are told to wake up from their commitment to see how poorly they become. In the name of getting ‘healthy relationship’ (I’m not talking about evident proven irreparable abuse) they are led to self-believe in themselves and their aspirations. The ache inside leads them to want out, no matter the cost to their spouse or kids or family, trying to convince everyone around it is for better. And they ‘move on’ to the next phase. Ruins behind, friends shocked, some slowly ‘getting around’, some don’t want to touch it with a long stick. Nothing is ever the same, and for sure not better. Long silences. Social media posts confuse old pals. People believe ones’ stories over another and life goes on. Except it doesn’t. And no amount of somatic healing and travel can override it.

Your ‘partner’, spouse, future spouse has to become more than your help, then your project, then your ‘other’ you, than your best friend, your working partner, your buddy, your lover, your crutch, your encourager, your cook and cleaner, your fighter, your safe space, your cross, your emotional handkerchief, your social life, your boredom, your reminder of your commitment, your romantic date, your story, your neighbor, your other half, your explanation, your routine, your disappointment, your step, your god, your compatriot, your listener, your formula for happiness.

They have to become a mirror in which you see how the impossible Love works.